I was raised
in a home where we did not talk much about God or godly things.
My father was raised in the Roman Catholic Church and my mother was
raised Shinto. When they married
neither of them continued practicing either religion.
Early in my
childhood (8-10 years old), someone from Bella Vista Baptist Church came to our
door, and asked if anyone wanted to come to church.
My brother and I had nothing better to do, so we both went. As we got home and off the bus, they gave us a treat,
and said if we keep
coming, we’d continue to get a treat, so continued to attend.
This probably went on for a couple of years.
During this time, I said the sinner’s prayer every time it was offered
up, but there was no real change in my life.
I continued living a hedonistic lifestyle, but I do believe that God had
a plan in this part of my life and a seed was planted.
I took a
break from church during my middle school years.
Then during high school, we moved out to Edgewood.
There wasn’t much else to do, so I attended First Baptist Church of
Edgewood, more for the social aspect than the God aspect.
But again, more seeds were planted.
Here I was baptized for the first time. I had no idea of what the concept
of Baptism was, but I did it anyway.
After high
school came the army/college years.
During boot camp, I’d cuss like a sailor on the weekdays, get drunk on Saturday
and go to church on Sunday. Church was
just a pep talk to say “hang in there, God is with you.”
I had pretty much the same experience in college without all the
exercise.
My major was Mathematics, so
naturally I read some writings by Blaise Pascal, a French mathematician.
He had a wager that went something like this:
“I believe in God”
2 outcomes:
1. If He exists, go to heaven.
2. If He doesn’t exist, annihilation-nothingness.
“I don’t believe in God”
2 outcomes:
1. If He exists, go to hell.
2. If He doesn’t exist, annihilation-nothingness.
Hmmm, which one makes more logical sense? The argument was easy and logical.
It was full of holes (i.e. other religions and ways), but for some reason
(the planted seeds, Holy Spirit,
etc.), it made me look a little deeper.
For the most part, I believe the wager to be just “Fire Insurance”, but
it got me into look at the word.
I read the book of John, my first reading in the Bible on my own at the age of 21.
I again prayed the sinner’s prayer, and nothing seemed to happen.
I still had lots of questions.
I then started attending Calvary
Chapel in Albuquerque.
This church was radical to me. The preacher actually
used the Bible and read straight out of God’s Word.
What a concept. For the first
time I heard about repentance and what it was for.
I repented, and for the first time I felt a change.
At that time, I finally felt reassured of my salvation.
But now came the tricky part, how to apply it.
Again, I fell and failed.
But I knew that in my heart God would still forgive me.
I continued to feel like it was my responsibility to clean up my life,
then I read Ezekiel 36:24-32 and I realized that I was still putting faith in my
own strength, which always failed me, instead of God’s strength, and I kept on
thinking that it was my life, not God’s.
It’s Gods work, not mine.
“For I will take you out
of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into
your own land. I will sprinkle clean
water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities
and from all your idols. I will give
you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart
of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move
you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.
You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people,
and I will be your God. I will save
you from all your uncleanness. I will call for the grain and make it plentiful
and will not bring famine upon you. I
will increase the fruit of the trees and the crops of the field, so that you
will no longer suffer disgrace among the nations because of famine.
Then you will remember your evil ways and wicked deeds, and you will
loathe yourselves for your sins and detestable practices.
I want you to know that I am not doing this for your sake, declares the
Sovereign LORD. Be ashamed and disgraced for your conduct, O house of Israel!”
Along came a wife and three kids,
this situation really makes you rely on God.
Without his power, I don’t know where I’d be.
I continue to fall, but now I have some help to get back up and on the
right track. Just have to keep getting
up.
You know, I did not fully realize
what had happened to me until I started teaching little kids.
AWANA was a great program for me. It mapped out God’s plan for salvation, the whos, whats, wheres, hows and
whys.I worked with the AWANA program
for nine years and continued learning more and more each year.
I am an auditory learner, so I
prefer to hear a good sermon to reading my Bible.
But my goal is to get through my “Bible in a year” in a couple of years.
I have read through the New Testament a few times, but always have
trouble making it through Leviticus, Deuteronomy and Numbers when reading the
Old Testament.
God continues
to show me his grace and love. In
Jeremiah 29:11 where God says: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares
the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and
a future". He has given me hope and a
future. He has plans for me, and I plan to cooperate.