Scott Butler
I was raised as a Catholic in a non-Christian home. That sounds like a contradiction, but it wasn’t.
Nobody in the family was a believer or had any clue what it meant to be one. I
was an alter boy, went to confession regularly, went through confirmation, etc.,
and quite honestly, couldn’t wait to grow up, turn eighteen, and never go to
church again (which is exactly what I did). As I look back I realize that I
spent my whole childhood in the Catholic church and never once heard the true
gospel of Jesus Christ.
I spent my late teens--early
twenties, getting into every form of trouble that a person can conceive of.
After I graduated from high school I dabbled in college but ended up dropping
out. I was completely and totally irresponsible and was quite the burden on my
family. I worked at many different odd labor type jobs and in 1983 I moved from
Las Cruces to Albuquerque and, through a friend of mine, went to work at a wood
moulding manufacturer as a laborer.
I pretty much lived as
described above all the way until my late twenties. At some point during that
time my Mom, Dad and my older sister Pam had “gotten saved” (another great
testimony to God’s amazing grace) which to me meant that they had become some
sort of religious freaks, and they began to tell me about Jesus when the
opportunity arose. I really couldn’t have cared less and made it a point to ask
the “tougher” questions of them just to throw them off, or to see if they really
had an answer. Questions such as “why all the suffering in the world” and “what
about the people who never hear about Jesus”, etc. They were all young in their
faith and really didn’t know how to answer such questions.
Pam ended up moving to
Albuquerque for a few years (she now lives back in Cruces) which allowed us to
stay more in touch. When I was around 28 or so, she invited me to go with her
one Sunday morning to the big Calvary Chapel in Albuquerque. I guess I didn’t
have anything better to do so I went. I’ll never forget the impact that hearing
somebody actually teaching from the actual Bible as if it actually had something
to say had on me. I was very moved and, quite frankly, surprised. As I look
back now I can see that this was when God sovereignly chose to begin to draw me
to himself (although I had no idea such was the case at the time). I ended up
going to church every once in awhile (maybe once every month to six weeks) over
the next year or so, and began to get some idea of who Jesus was, who He said I
was (a sinner in need of a Saviour), etc.
When I was 29 I met Tammy
and we were married six months later on February 22, 1991 in Las Vegas, Nevada
at a small generic chapel by a generic pastor--although I will say that I
remember him saying a few things about Jesus, the seriousness of our marriage
vows, etc. Tammy had been raised as a Southern Baptist, had made a profession
of faith at a young age, but realizes now that her faith was not of the saving
kind at that time. As young newlyweds, her background being what it was and the
fact that I had gone to the Calvary a time or two, we would go to church
together every once in awhile (to make ourselves feel religious more than
anything else). During this time, though, God was planting a seed in my mind
and was beginning to make me think more about Him and what it might mean to
actually know Him--although I don’t think I would have phrased it that way at
the time.
This all continued on until,
two years after we were married, Tammy became pregnant with Rachel and Sarah. I
still had not bended the knee to the Lord, although my understanding of the fact
that I needed a Saviour was becoming more clear and the call from God was
becoming more intense. We were going to church more and more often and I had
seen people having their babies dedicated to the Lord, so after the girls were
born I thought that might be a nice thing to do. I set it up with the church
and we had about three or four weeks until the appointed Sunday. During this
same time (coincidentally!?) I was reading a book called “Search for Messiah”
which outlined Old Testament prophecies of the Messiah, and their fulfillment by
Jesus. That was when the Lord really began to afflict me. Between the book, my
having been hearing the Word expounded at a church, and my ever increasing
awareness of my sin, I remember the sense of a burden that I had never felt
before--the definite understanding that it was impossible for somebody to
“dedicate” their child to the Lord when they, themselves, had no saving faith in
Jesus. I knew enough about Jesus by this time and what it meant to be saved and
I knew that I had a big problem. This hypocrisy along with an ever dawning
sense that I was a terrible sinner in big trouble began to weigh on me in an
indescribable way. I got to the point where I couldn’t stand it any longer and
desperately needed to talk to somebody about it, so I set an appointment with a
pastor at Calvary to talk about the situation. I don’t remember the pastor’s
name or even what he had to say. I can’t say whether I wasn’t listening or he
wasn’t talking. Nevertheless, the meeting resolved nothing. I continued with
this oppressive weight all the way up until the day of the dedication. As I sat
in the church before the service began, with people milling about and Tammy and
other family members close by, I couldn’t take the weight any longer. Right
then and there I bowed my head, confessed my sin (to the extent that I was aware
of it) and prayed to Jesus to save me. I knew virtually no theology other than
I needed to be saved from my sin. I can’t say that I heard angels singing or
even that I felt an overwhelming sense of peace, but I can say that my burden
was lifted immediately. The dread that I had felt at my hypocrisy and my
sinfulness disappeared and I was able to go through with the dedication, not
necessarily with a sense of peace, but more with an absence of the dread. I
have one vivid memory of when we got back to our house after the service that
day, with many of our family members meeting us there, when I was getting
something out of the trunk of my car. My Dad walked up and said something like
“how are you doing” or “how are you feeling” or something like that and I
remember telling him that “I think I’ve been saved”. The date was January 16th,
1994.
Shortly thereafter things
began to change in my life. I began to read the Bible (and actually wanted to),
certain very obvious sins began to fall by the wayside such as swearing (which I
was proficient at), and I began to want to tell people about Jesus. Also,
around this same time, God led me to begin listening to Hank Hannegraf on my way
home from work every day. I really enjoyed his program and I think God used it
as a means of grounding me in my newfound faith. He also gave me a passion to
study in order to be able to answer the tough questions that an unbelieving
world can and will ask. I started to tell my friends at work (a very rough,
blue collar crowd) about Jesus and I’m sure many of them thought I was nuts.
Over the next few years, as God would allow, I had many in depth conversations
with those same people at work and I found myself growing in the faith and
knowledge of my Lord Jesus Christ.
I cannot say that the past
11 years have not had their challenges. Neither can I say that I have walked
closely with the Lord for the whole of that time. I can say, however, that my
God is faithful and has not let me stray too far without bringing me back to
Himself. I think I have grown much over those years, by His grace, and He has
given me a love for Him and for His word that continues to increase. There are
so many things that He has done and so many ways that He has provided for me and
my family over the years that, as I write this testimony and as I think back on
His blessing, I can barely contain my joy and thankfulness toward Him! Believe
me, the man at the beginning of this testimony had “no hope and was without God
in the world”. Now I have hope for today and I will be with my King for all of
eternity!!!! May the precious Name of Jesus be exalted above all things in and
through the remainder of my life. Amen!